Dear fellow Layman, or rather, Laypeople,
First, some gentle clarification.
I am not using the terms layman/laypeople as a means to put down or degrade your humanity. I too am a layperson in more facets and ways in my life than I am not. I too know far, far less than I actually do know – which speaks not to a fault of individual character, but to the infinite beauty and mystery that is life and the universe we all inhabit. Did you know that we are made of stardust?
To admit that we do not know, or to even acknowledge that someone else knows better, is to lean into this thing we call fear, and that requires no small amount of courage. So it makes sense that we would, at times, let fear take the reins – for we are human, and we tire of having to be brave all of the time – especially because being brave tends to feel like a long and lonely road. And it certainly doesn’t help that we have built a society that idealizes rugged individualism over compassionate collectivism.
It’s not that compassion and collectivism are nowhere to be found – I see evidence of them daily and try to participate in them frequently – rather, it’s what this individualism tends to inspire in us – a self-righteous claim to and of rightness, that often leads to the diminishment of one another’s humanity. When we are called (inevitably) to interact with those who are different than we are – which if we take a second to ponder, is everyone – the potential for conflict is ever present and in itself inevitable. When we are unwilling to acknowledge our place and potential role in that conflict – that we may be wrong, that we may not know, that we may need to be held accountable, that we may need to listen, that we may need to participate in reparation – we have nowhere to go and add yet another brick to the wall we build around ourselves in the name of this rightness.
I read something that reminded me of us:
“Inner state and outer action become the same thing – if a person meant well, there could not possibly have been any harm. But we all know that sometimes people mean well but cause harm nonetheless – out of ignorance, out of carelessness, out of deeply ingrained ways of thinking that they haven’t examined, out of an emotional reaction that got the better of their lofty intentions, or… well, the list goes on.”¹
Intention does not negate impact, and we are all guilty of clinging to our “inner states” in the name of what we feel is right, in the name of meaning well.
And that’s great news. Because if no one of us is better than another, if we all error, if we are all plagued by not knowing and thus taunted by fear, we can abandon this folly pursuit of individualism and come back to the truth of our nature – that we do in fact need one another – that we are better when do not walk these difficult roads alone.
So to those fellow humans who mistrust the choices I have made, and will continue to make, in the sphere of my vocation, I see you, I hear you, and I’ve got you.
And
Because it is all too easy to use and abuse each other in the name of having ‘got one another’, there are, and always will be, important boundaries that must be put into place.
Some boundaries:
- We do not owe one another comfort in the face of difficulty, we never made that promise and neither did the world – but we do owe one another compassion.
- We do not owe one another perfection – but we do owe one another the willingness to try.
- We do not owe one another protection from the discomfort that shame brings when we are called to hold ourselves to account – but we do owe one another our hand and companionship as we navigate those cleansing flames.
- We do not owe one another an explanation for working to make the world a safer and more equitable place for all – but we do owe one another patience for wherever we are, for however long we are there, and the grace to make mistakes along the way.
I knew that when I took on the pursuit of decolonizing and diversifying my curriculum – a pursuit that took far too long for me to begin and that I have barely scratched the surface of – that it would arouse fear in others. As Franklin Leonard reminds us, “When you’re accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression.” And of course that perceived oppression is terrifying. Of course.
I knew this, and yet, I feel anger and bewilderment everytime it is brought to my attention. And for this, I have no one to blame but myself.
My life-long pursuit of perfection has shackled me to unrealistic expectations of myself, of others, and of situations. For I actually thought, nay believed, that if I did whatever it was I was doing perfectly – in this case, if I introduced diverse books and had hard conversations perfectly, if I said everything right, if I led students to think critically and come to their own conclusions seamlessly, then no one would complain, because there wouldn’t be anything to complain about.
And thus, when you complained, I saw it as my own personal failing – a failure to bring about a reality that was never meant to be.
And I have to let you know: I’m finally starting to let that go.
The pursuit of equality, the quest to break down the systemic problems in education and in the world is messy, and hard, and scary, and something that no one has ever done perfectly – not even our heroes – especially not our heroes. And in honor of that I no longer aim to call you out, but to call you in, and assure you that there is no sinister undercurrent to my work, no attempt at insidious indoctrination, except perhaps to “indoctrinate” humans into fellow humanity, and a life-long love of exploration, with an open heart and a curious mind.
Krista Tippett reminds us that, “…just as there are callings for a life, there are callings for our time. Some of us are called to place our bodies before other bodies on the front line of danger. There are so many front lines of danger in our young century. But there are other, quieter callings that are as necessary to the health of our communal soul and to make the beyond of danger and the beyond of division more muscular and more real.”²
I walk this path, and I put myself out there in the name of what’s right, so that one day our children won’t have to. So that one day they won’t have to beg, or work themselves, for a reality that is whole, and good, and just – a reality that was their birthright all along.
Poet and author Ocean Vuong calls us to contemplate how we might live a life that is worthy of our breath.³
In my vocation, which is but one part of my larger and multifaceted identity, this is how. For me, this is how. I could not, and should not, do what I do without this question close at hand. Nor should any of us. If we aren’t living a life that is worthy of our breath, what are we doing? How are we living? What are we working for? A life that benefits us alone – one in which we have absolute control, and no discomfort ever? That life doesn’t exist, it is an illusion, and one that takes us away not only from one another, but also from ourselves.
In the same offering Tippett speaks of wholeness:
“And in these last years, it’s come to seem to me that the end of all of this aspiring, what we’re called to collectively, is nothing less than the possibility of wholeness — to figure out what it means to be whole human beings, with whole institutions, living in whole societies. Wholeness does not mean perfection. Being whole will not mean that we are less strange, but that we turn and structure towards what is life-giving, that we can become conscious of our complexity and our strangeness and work with them — as creatures who also have it in us to become wise.”
I am learning that wisdom is holding ourselves and others in care and compassion, and that whenever we fail, because failure is certain, there is never an end to starting again.
So I call you in, over and over I call you in, dear and fellow layperson – dear and fellow human. I need you and you need me. Only together we can reimagine and remake this world.
Only together we can become whole.
In humbleness and gratitude,
Danielle
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1. Book – On Repentance and Repair – Making Amends in an Unapologetic World by Danya Ruttenberg – Order from your local bookstore – Spellbinder Books
2. On Being Foundations – Four Part Series – With Krista Tippett Quotes taken from transcript of ‘Foundations 4: Calling and Wholeness’ – Listen
3. On Being Podcast with Krista Tippett – Ocean Vuong – A Life Worthy of Our Breath – Listen, listen listen~~~